Without You
by loves him
Summary: Sheldon Sands had always depended upon and loved his mother. But without her, what is he? An innocent boy that is slowly turning into the troubled CIA agent that we know. Here is his story, his love, and his loss.
1. Realizations

**Without You**

_Chapter One: Realizations_

_Summary: Sheldon Sands has always depended upon and loved his mother. But without her, what is he? In place of a once innocent boy will stand a troubled CIA agent that can not find his way aroundthe world. Here is his story, his love, and his loss._

**Disclaimer: Lily (Fairy of Obsession) does not own Sheldon Sands. She does not own any part of Once Upon a Time in Mexico. But she does take credit for the plot of this story.**

He loved her. He loved Laura Anne Sands, his mother, more than anyone or thing. But five-year old Sheldon Sands was not able to place a label on the emotions that he felt for his mother. She was a friend that he could confide in, a woman that he admired, and someone that he depended upon. She was his life, his love, his joy, his everything. She encompassed his every thought, moment, and fiber of energy. She was his equal and yet a goddess that he idolized. His only wish was to be in her presence. She was the only one that could shower him with affection and yet remain unscathed, and only she could weave herself so methodically into Sheldon's being. Sheldon knew that she was something special, but he couldn't recognize his love for him until one pleasant summer day.

The two were sitting amidst the beautiful flowers that existed in their expansive garden, eating warm chocolate chip cookies that had just come out of the oven. "My angel, look at this one. Isn't it beautiful?" Laura asked her five-year old son, using her fond name for him 'my angel', as she sniffed a nearby flower. Sheldon, still an innocent creature, craned his neck to view what she was talking about.

"What kind is it?" he asked curiously, taking a bite out of a large cookie, the chocolate oozing itself out of the baked dough that it was encased in.

"Mmmm….let me think. White petals with a pink center," Laura murmured to herself, breaking off a piece of cookie for herself as well. Bending closer to sniff the blossom again, she closed her eyes. "This, I believe, is a mistine orchid," she answered after a moment or two, with her eyes still closed. "Isn't it pretty?" she asked him. Sheldon, eager to please his mother, nodded vigorously.

"Why don't you put it in your hair?" he suggested and went ahead and plucked the flower off of its stem. Reaching up to his mother, he tucked it gently behind her ear so that its bloom blended into her soft brown strands, its splendor striking out even more. "Now it looks even prettier," the boy chirped, suddenly becoming more vivacious. The small and yet seemingly insignificant show of affection filled Laura's heart with joy. After losing so much in her life, her little angel had been able to give her hope. He was like a ray of sunshine when the only her world was painted in only shades of grey.

With contentment bubbling in her like a hot spring, a tranquil silence settled itself in and around and in between the two like a comforting blanket. Both of them spent a considerably long period of time like this, sitting quietly and eating the freshly baked cookies. Suddenly, Sands blurted, "Mom, can I ask you something?"

Laura had been lying down in the grass when he asked the question. Slowly sitting up, she tried not to seem alarmed. But in reality, she was. Sheldon usually didn't divulge his thoughts about anything, unless it had been bothering him for a long time. Smiling tenderly at her son, she consoled, "Go ahead, my little angel."

But Sheldon didn't start right away. He waited for a minute or two longer, trying to figure out his words. "I…I…I'm…it's…it's about school," he stuttered, unsure of where to start. "These kids…they keep bugging me. And I stay quiet. But then, eventually, the teacher picks on me."

"What do you mean by?" Laura asked, uncertain herself. She didn't want to discourage him, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to help him if he didn't clarify things for her.

"Like while the teacher's talking, one of them will throw stuff at me. I don't do anything for a long time. But when I actually do tell them to stop, the teacher puts me in time-out for talking," anger frothing within him like a boiling pot of soup. And with every word, another bubble grew to an immense size and then popped itself. Failing to contain his emotions, he glared into space and half-shouted, "She's stupid. I know I'm not supposed to say stupid. But she really is stupid."

A frown formed on Laura's face. But not because of her Sheldon's opinion of his teacher. "And she doesn't say anything to them?" she asked slowly, starting to feel angry herself. He nodded in affirmative. "Then…" she started, willing herself not to give him such advice. But if her son was being picked on, then she had to do something. "Then, why don't you fight back." Here, Sheldon's intense orbs peered into her own chocolate ones, wondering whether he was hearing her correctly. "Throw things back. I know it's not nice. But if you don't retaliate and you _still_ get in trouble, then what's the point of staying quiet?"

"So you want me to throw things back?" he asked dubiously, wondering whether he was encountering some sort of hallucination instead of the mother that he knew.

"If it makes them stop annoying you, then yes," she told him. He thought about the idea for awhile then nodded, agreeing that it was a possible solution. Pulling him into her arms, her weakening arms, she hugged him tightly and kissed the mop of black hair that sat atop his head. "Just remember one thing and you can succeed," she whispered in his ear.

"What is that?" he asked.

"Remember that a wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. Use your enemies to your advantage," she advised, continuing to whisper, her words coming out in a slow procession, a single tear falling from her eye. If she had it her way, then her arms would protect him from every harm in the world; from kids at school, from a cold, and from her cancer. Her cancer.

Another tear slipped past her wall of defense at the thought that she wouldn't always be there for him. _And I haven't even told him yet_ she thought miserably. _He's only five. He isn't ready to find out. _But the real question was whether he would ever be ready to find out.

Sheldon, still thinking about what his mother had told him, suddenly realized that he loved her more than anything. He loved her more than the smell of the morning, more than chocolate chip cookies, more than his coloring book and toys. Grateful for her advice and acutely aware of the fact that without her, he would probably never be able to survive, he murmured softly into her hug, "I love you."

At the words, tears started to glide downward Laura's pale face. One last thought flitted through her mind before she fell into a state of mental despair; she thought dejectedly, _I can't even protect him from me. _


	2. Happy Birthday

**Without You**

_Chapter Two: Happy Birthday_

_Summary: Sheldon Sands has always depended upon and loved his mother. But without her, what is he? In place of a once innocent boy will stand a troubled CIA agent that can not find his way around this world. Here is his story, his love, and his loss._

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sands or any part of Once Upon a Time in Mexico. But I do take credit for Laura Anne Sands, his mom, and the plot. **

It was his 8th birthday today. That meant that Sheldon Jeffrey Sands was turning eight today. _Hooray for me,_ he thought bitterly as rapid tears spilled down his face. Instead of holding special meaning, the day had only twisted his thoughts and made him feel even worse than he usually did.

His mother was dying and he was fairly isolated in school. Not that it was anyone else's fault. But ever since Sheldon had learned about his mother's cancer in the second grade, he had started building a brick wall between himself and others. Always pretty reserved and keeping to himself, the third grader now _deliberately_ started hacking away at any of his contacts.

Not that this seemed to stop his groupies from lining up to ask him to partner with them for anything. Girls. He despised them. Just the thought of them forced a shudder down his spine.

It was his own fault that he was always alone at recess, during lunch, P.E., or any other activity. He had become passive and his teacher noticed this. And instead of marking him off as someone who didn't care, she tried probing into his problems. Why? Because she had this feeling inside of her that told her that he was normal just like anyone else. But a certain issue set him apart. Call it women's intuition, but that only made Miss Smith feel even more responsible of trying to get through to him. After all, during P.E., he would show sudden energy. Not necessarily enthusiasm, since he was practically never willing to cooperate, but a solemn drive to win. To beat everyone else in the game.

_I'm glad that I'm alone_ Sheldon thought defiantly. In an obstinate way, he felt proud that he was separating himself from everyone else. But like all human beings, all that loneliness began to effect him in a negative way. _I don't want any girls or any friends_ he continued to think, but suddenly his resolve started to weaken. And then the tears came, spilling themselves one by one. _All I want is my mom_. And it was true.

Meanwhile, downstairs, sitting by the kitchen table, Laura cried her own eyes out with her head in her arms. Fresh tears cascaded down her face incessantly. "I hate myself," she repeated over and over to herself. She knew why Sands was crying in his bedroom on his _birthday_. She knew why he secluded himself from his peers. And it was all because of her.

Hearing a loud sob from who could only be Sheldon, Laura came to an abrupt realization. _If this cancer gets worse, not only will I die, but so will the son that I love._

**A/N: Thanx to Sue-AnneSparrow for the wonderful review! btw, this is a little ficlet & I THINK I'll end it at four chapters. Anyway, I hope everyone that's reading likes it & don't forget to review!**


	3. Why?

**Without You**

_Chapter Three: Why?_

_Summary: Sheldon Sands had always depended upon and loved his mother. But without her, what is he? An innocent boy that is slowly turning into the troubled CIA agent that we know. Here is his story, his love, and his loss._

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sands or any part of Once Upon a Time in Mexico. I wish I did, but I don't. sniffles**

**A/n: I changed the summary a little & thanks to my one reviewer ****Sue-AnneSparrow. I'll try and get the last chapter out by next Saturday or maybe even earlier. ****I hope you guys like it. And even though the chapters for this story aren't that long, I work pretty hard on them. So if you read, please review! Pretty please? Those are the only things that keep me going! **

Fourteen-year old Sheldon Sands was no longer that, but just Sands. He sat on his new bed in his new room in his new foster home and stared long and hard at the plain white wall across from him. Lately, he had been unable to control his anger and he'd let it out by first, yelling every curse word that he knew (and if he was at a loss for colorful language, then he'd make it up), then throwing whichever inanimate object that was closest to his lithe hands, and finally, staring unblinkingly into space, his eyes steel-like.

And not only that, but he had been reminiscing over his mother. His mother who had left him and this world four years ago. He had tried suppressing his pain, but damnit, it had become so hard. So frikkin' hard to not cry, to live under the pretense that he didn't miss her. And godamnit, he did. He missed watching her long brown hair flying in the wind. He missed observing her soft brown eyes that were so foreign in comparison to his intense ones. He missed hearing her strong, confident laugh that rung as clear and pure as a crystal bell. He missed her scent of chamomile mixed with vanilla and a hint of the violets that she would tuck behind her ear. He missed her in all her entirety and damnit, his lies that he didn't weren't working any longer.

And it showed in his newly acquired behavior. The changes, at first, were subtle. And gradual at that too. But if his fourteen-year old self and ten-year old self were to be compared, then anyone who saw the changes would've been astonished. He had shot up from around four and a half feet to five and a half feet and was still going. His face had become more stone-like, his eyes even more unyielding, and his stubbornness had grown with his height. Not only that, but his choosing of friends had become even more critical and altogether, he was labeled as a 'bad boy' just at first glance.

Slowly, the pained adolescent's mind drifted to the day of his mother's burial. The morning had started out bleak and as the day progressed, the sky got even duller. By the time that Laura's coffin was to be placed under the rich dirt, it had started pouring. And thank god, for the heavy sheets of rain covered the ten-year old's own procession of tears. The dismal weather reflected the turmoil that was unearthing within him and did nothing to lift his mood. Eventually, he had looked up to watch everyone else, as so many ten-year old's do.

But what he saw only helped to light a full blown fire of anger inside him. No one else seemed even remotely phased by Laura's death. Sure, there were a few tears here and there, but all the emotions were decoys. Did anyone even care about his beloved mother? No,damnit, no.And so the boy's eyes dried themselves of tears and instead conveyed a stiff and silent rage. The rain continued to pour itself freely and soaked the miniscule and yet handsome Sheldon, the only one that held any genuine sentiments for the woman that was soon going to be six feet under. The only one.

Sands was brought back to reality as his foster mother, Beatrice, called him for dinner, her voice twisting itself up the stairs and floating into his room. The sheer unfairness of life hit him as he wondered why.

_Why did the one person that I loved leave me? Why can't plain old Beatrice change into my doll-like other. Why?_

The thoughts were like belligerent pieces of rock and bombarded him one after another. He ignored Beatrice's constant shouting of 'come down here right this instant' and continued to wonder why. And as his unmoving eyelids slowly relented themselves to sleep, the answer came to him. _Because that was the way that life worked._


End file.
